Ghosts by Dolly Alderton — Or Welcome to the Life of a 30-Something Woman

Book Review aka How This Book Made Me Feel and Think (originally published in February)

At this point, I honestly believe I should become friends with Dolly Alderton. God, I love her. The way she presents the challenges women over 30 face — through layers of friendship, love, and especially the realities of our nuclear family members growing older — is simply brilliant. I love her. Please, Dolly, let’s be friends.

Our main character, Nina, is 32 years old, a successful cookbook author, and an only child. I related to her instantly. And as you read through each page, I promise every woman over 30 will find a piece of their own life reflected in her story.

As I mentioned earlier, this book delves into various challenges, particularly love — and more specifically, failed love, often tied to the term “ghosting.” Honestly, I feel like I could earn a third master’s degree in the “getting ghosted” department if that were a thing. My latest lesson came from falling for my Harvard guy, only to have my heart broken. After that, I promised myself I’d never fall for someone like that again — and I’ve stuck to it. Since then, my priority has been me. Lesson learnt but it was not easy.

In Ghosts, the men’s excuse for their actions seems to always boil down to “timing.” Gosh, Nina’s and Lola’s respective partners both claim the timing wasn’t right. Well, fun fact, fellas — if the timing is wrong for a relationship, maybe keep certain parts of your body to yourself, huh?

Maybe men should read this book to understand the female perspective, no?

What I absolutely love about Dolly’s writing in this book is that she puts everything out there, without overloading it with unnecessary sentimentality or “too good to be true” online dating stories. There’s no exaggeration, no sugarcoating — just simple truths about our society right now. It’s raw, real, and incredibly relatable.

Speaking of which, my thoughts on online dating? I call it a “meat market”. Every time I give it another chance; I lose my faith in humanity.

Anyways, while the romantic relationship part wasn’t what touched me the most, the dynamics between Nina and her parents definitely did. I am scared of losing my parents. I know it’s just the reality of life, but at almost 31, I can’t help but reflect on the past and wish I could have given them more time and attention. Seeing Nina’s father struggle with dementia felt like a slap in my face, honestly. It brought up all these fears, especially since I’m an only child. The thought that at some point, I’ll be alone is unbearable.

When I go back to the parts I underlined in the book, I realize it’s mostly about family. On page 151, it says that nostalgia is “pain from an old wound.” That made me think, what do we call the pain from a fresh wound? It’s so painful to watch your parents get older, especially when you have regrets. And when you’re an only child, that loss feels even more final.

There’s a paragraph that really speaks to my soul:

“Getting older was an increasingly perplexing thing, but these moments — understanding that potential future memories were being taken from you year on year, like road closures — were the very worst of it.”

Unfortunately, it is the worst thing.

And then there’s the part where friendships change or fall apart over the years.

I’m not being dramatic, but I’ve seen how people grow out of each other. I’m totally okay with that. What bothers me more is how, as people get older, they often get more fake. I do have my own examples, of course. But in this book, we see three different types of friendship dynamics: the one that’s been around for years, where people grow together but eventually change; the one that you never thought would be the best, yet she ends up sticking by you through thick and thin; and the one that was once romantic but turns into something truly meaningful as a friendship.

Nina’s friendships with her ex and Lola are the ones I envy the most. She’s incredibly lucky to have friends like them — especially Lola, who seems like such a rare gem.

But then there’s Katherine. She represents that type of woman who becomes obsessed with the idea of achieving society’s idea of success: getting married, having kids, and then thinking she’s the successful one because she’s fulfilled that role. Katherine turns into this judgmental character who sees herself as superior for ticking off those boxes. I felt my blood pressure rise reading her scenes. She reminded me so much of my former close friend, who ruined our last summer vacation by fixating on her “career and online dating advice,” giving it in the most capricious and egocentric way. I’m sure we all have a friend like her, right?

Before anyone judges me, I do know that I’m not the perfect friend. Honestly, I tolerate a lot, quietly, until I reach my boiling point. Then, bam, I go dead silent and cut that person out of my life. I’ve removed several people or friends from my circle this way. It might be wrong, but I do have my limits, and when I realize I can’t tolerate someone anymore, I just can’t keep wasting my precious time with them.

Okay, I might be turning this into a story about myself, but you know what? I’m not an expert in literature, and honestly, my way of “reviewing” books is just mostly sharing how they made me feel. For me, the main goal of fiction is feeling the story, engaging with the characters, and finding real-life experiences within the narrative. That’s what makes a book resonate.

And Ghosts is one of the most relatable books I’ve read, and I think that’s largely thanks to Dolly Alderton. Her writing is addictively readable. The sentences, especially the dialogues, are always well-constructed and engaging. It’s the kind of writing that pulls you in and keeps you hooked, making it hard to stop reading.

And also, this is not a book that sugarcoats anything or makes the main character seem like an innocent angel. No, Nina takes accountability for her actions. She recognizes her mistakes and makes a real effort to find peace with herself and her life. It’s refreshing to see a character who isn’t portrayed as perfect but instead someone who grows, learns, and works towards understanding herself better.

This book gets a solid 5/5 from me and my fellow 30-something female friends — highly recommend it. And men, please read it too and try to have a bit of empathy. And to all the Katherines out there, no, we do not think you’ve cracked the code of life.